Parenting is not easy, no matter the stage there is always going to be a challenge. The moment we become parents we give up the luxury of having a good night’s sleep for the rest of our lives. Whether it’s crying, sleep regression, or stress induced, we will always lose sleep over them.  And right now I am losing sleep over elementary school bullies. Yup, we have made it to fourth grade where the girls get meaner and the boys get weirder. 

I’ve dealt with my fair share  of bullies and now I have to help my daughter get through it. Nobody prepares us for this! So, I decided I at least tried to help out by sharing some things that have made this a bit easier. Here are nine bullying prevention tips for parents from a mom who’s helped her daughter deal with bullies throughout the years.

1. Build Up Your Child’s Confidence

As parents there is only so much we can control. The moment our kids get out of our car and walk into their school campus we lose control. This is why it’s important to build up our children’s confidence and self esteem. 

We can’t control whether or not they’d encounter a bully, but we can do our best to make sure that their self esteem isn’t affected. Tell your kids as often as possible how much you like them. Don’t hold back on giving praise and letting them know when you’re proud of them. Tell them how they should be proud of themselves for the way they handled a situation.

2. Communicate With Your Child

Communication is the foundation of all relationships and the relationship with your children is no different. Make it your goal to ensure that your child feels comfortable having difficult conversations. Do your best to give them your undivided attention, so that means put your phone away and listen to your child. PLUS, you get to learn more about their friends, what they’re into, and you can get a real feel of how they’re doing mentally.

Bonus Tip:

I know not all kids like to talk, so I found a  little trick I learned to help them open up. I try to ask them more specific questions about their day to help break the ice. Use questions like, “What books did you get to read today?” Or “What games did you and your friends play during recess?” instead of “Did you do anything new today?” 

I’ve noticed these questions lead to more fruitful chats with my girls. I strongly suggest you avoid “yes” & “no” questions as those tend to end the conversation before it even begins. 

3. Teach Your Child to Be Kind 

This sounds like a given, right— teach your kid to treat others with kindness and respect. Well it isn’t. You’d be surprised at the amount of kids out there who give just as many f@*$ as their parents. 

I try to teach my kids to be kind by teaching them empathy. I ask them to think about how their words could affect their peers’ feelings. And to put themselves in their situation— “Would you like it if someone said this to you? If the answer is no, then maybe don’t say it.”

But the real hard part is teaching your kid to be kind without being a pushover or a punching bag for bullies. I try to teach my kids to treat others with kindness as respect until they themselves are not being treated that way by their peers. Now this doesn’t mean they go and berate this kid, absolutely not. I mean it’s okay to walk away or stand up for themselves and their friends.

4. Remind Them of Their Worth 

That first time your kid comes home crying because Susie called them a hairy gorilla, a little part of you will die with their innocence. This is the first day your child experienced how ugly and mean people can be. But you can’t go and yell at little Susie for hurting your kids feelings. No! 

The only thing you can do is reassure your child and not let the bullies break their spirit. Tell them how smart, kind, and beautiful they are. Let them know just how much they are loved. Remind them of all of the friends that like them for the kind and loving person that they are. 

5. Learn to Respond to Bullies Without Aggravating 

I wish I could just tell my daughter to give me her earrings and just throw down, but that is not the way. Fighting will only make things worse for all parties involved so it’s best to NOT go down that path.

The best thing our kids can do if they’re being bullied is to stand up for themselves without aggravating the bully. 

If their bully is calling them hurtful names the best thing to do is to ignore them and walk away. I even taught my daughter to raise an eyebrow and roll her eyes as she walks away with confidence. See how that’s in bold? That’s because the key to this is CONFIDENCE. Even if they’re not really that confident over the situation. 

Something I learned after dealing with my share of bullies in elementary, middle, and highschool— is that you NEVER show your bully that they got to you. You keep your head up high and if you respond to the bully then you say it in a confident tone while looking directly into their eyes. 

6. Encourage Them to Stand Up for Themselves & Others 

Since I was bullied when I was a kid I wanted to make sure my kids weren’t just prepared for it, but that they were the helpers in the room. They know to be kind towards others and to stand up for them if necessary. 

A simple “hey that’s not nice” would suffice in their younger years, but now in the fourth grade, it’s become a little more hands on.  

A few teachers have told me that my daughters will move seats to accompany their peers. Other times they invite them to play with them and ignore the bully. They will also speak up and tell the bully to leave them alone. They also know to approach an adult if the situation isn’t one they can help, or if the bully does not back down. Encourage your child to be brave and stand up for their friends. 

7. Encourage Your Child to Talk to an Adult About the Bullying

I don’t understand why parents tell their kids to not be a “tattle tale.” I feel like this left a lot of kids fighting battles only they knew about. And maybe my parenting style is not for you, but I am all about being a tattle tale. Like girl, yes please, tell me all about how little Jimmy threw sand in your face at the playground.

This doesn’t mean we’re gonna throw a fit and start fighting with Jimmy over sand. No, I will take that moment to explain to my daughter what her options are. Which is what parents should do. We should focus on teaching our kids to be aware of what is actually under their control.

The options are: ask them to stop doing that, because they don’t like it or to completely remove themselves from the situation. 

This way, you are actively teaching your child how to problem solve this kind of situation.

Teach your child when it’s time to talk to a teacher/adult.

Encourage your child to talk to an adult during more difficult situations. For example if the bully is being aggressive, it’s best to talk to a grown up. If the bullying is becoming more frequent and their own efforts at stopping the bully are not working, it’s time to rope in a teacher or adult. 

8. Be an Active Participant in Their School

You don’t have to join the PTA to be an active participant at your child’s school.  I know being part of the PTA is not everyone’s cup of tea. However, you can always participate in specific school events or simply volunteer to help inside the classroom. Being involved in classroom or school activities can help you get a real feel of the environment your child is in everyday. And most children are thrilled about having their parents in class. It’s a really great way to show your child you care. 

9. Talk to Your Child’s Teacher About the Bullying

If your child does not want to talk to a teacher about it because they’re afraid it will make the situation worse, try a different approach. As a parent you can inform the teacher about the situation and ask the teacher to not confront the bully, but to keep an eye on their behavior. You can also ask them to keep an eye on your own child and the bully so they’re able to witness and intervene in the event of aggression. 

Conclusion

Nobody wants their child to be bullied in elementary school or any grade. But unfortunately we don’t have any control over that. What we do have control over is how our children react to it, how much they let it affect them, and how long we let it go on for.  

If you keep healthy communication with your children, enough that they will confide in you when they’re faced with difficult challenges,  then you as a parent can help. You can teach your child how to better deal with bullies, and if necessary you can intervene. But if you aren’t aware of the problem then there’s nothing you as a parent can do. Communicate with your child and try your best at staying involved in their school and extracurricular activities to help your child prevent bullies at school.